How To Make a “Feel Good File” When You Feel Lost
30 Seconds To Set Up: Benefits Last a Lifetime
by Thea Fiore-Bloom, PhD
A creative life isn’t all wicker baskets filled with Labrador puppies.
Lonely, funky periods arise that we need to walk through.
At times it feels like we are standing on our isolated heath (remote grassy cliff) watching the football captains and cheer queens of the world frolicking in a “cool kids circle” of life.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Benjamin Franklin
On heath days we shake our heads and wonder what the heck we are doing trying to weave words together or make stuff no one may ever understand.
I want to share a secret thing I do on the darkest of my;
“I’m soo, not a cheerleader” days.
Hit the Feel Good File When You Feel Lost
I read a few emails from what I call my Feel Good File.
The file started as an actual manilla folder where I kept paper cards and letters that kind folks wrote to me over the years expressing thanks for insight I had given them back when I did consulting.
I didn’t call it my Feel Good File then.
It was just a dusty purple folder under my desk that acted as my fire extinguisher in a glass cabinet; to be broken open only in case of an emotional emergency.
Peeking in it once in a while could crane me out of the well of self-doubt I managed to get stuck in.
When I moved out west and everything went digital the file landed in a box somewhere.
I missed the sanity that the purple folder’s very existence gave to me.
So on a whim on a low self-esteem day years back I started a digital version of the paper purple file.
What to name it?
I typed out FEEL GOOD (all caps) as a joke to myself.
I figured the “all caps” would help the digital file stand out.
This way I’d remember to try to feed the empty file a scrap if one came its way.
Now my digital Feel Good File is not so skinny.
It’s got a few life-saving emails from friends, editors, clients, or kind blog readers like you who have been sweet enough to tell me something wonderful about my writing or art.
Encouraging things I otherwise would have forgotten.
3 Reasons You Want to Keep A Feel-Good File
1. Because Our Brains Are Cruel Jelly
Ever read over a nice email and promptly forget almost everything in it in 2 hours?
A little miracle flew into your inbox.
But so did that notice about your insurance claim being denied
You read that AllState or Anthem email and POOF!
All the fairy dust from the little miracle email vaporized.
Maybe forever.
Our brains blithely release positive feedback from our memory banks on an hourly basis. But they seem to wrap their mental jelly tight round the negative things people have told us.
(For example, we can be plagued by a harsh art critique from a colleague or cruel words from an art professor for decades.)
That’s why we need to keep a Feel Good File.
And it will take you maybe 30 seconds to set up.
2. Your Feel-Good File Keeps You Grateful
A Feel Good File can have the same impact as a gratitude journal.
Feel Good Files make us more aware and grateful for the love and appreciation we have already received.
Your file won’t overinflate your ego, it will nourish soul.
Reminding yourself of the little miracles that have already occurred for you in your life will keep you in the present moment; balanced and enjoying what you already have instead of being off-kilter, grasping for illusive unnamed bits of approval on a far-off horizon.
3. Your Feel Good File Reminds You of Your Creative Mission
All artists and writers have a unique mission.
We are all trying to communicate something personally important to us before we die.
Matisse said this towards the end of his life:
“The artist has but one idea.
He is born with it and spends a lifetime developing it and making it breathe.”
— Henri Matisse
It seems unbelievable but when we are down or stressed we can forget that one idea.
On dark days, you can open up your file to remind you of what truly “makes you breathe.”
People who love your art and have written to you about it sometimes have a better ability than you do to express what makes it tick.
Artist and writer Austin Kleon, author of Steal Like An Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative, uses his own version of The Feel Good File when he’s having a down day. (God knows his file is way bigger.)
Austin Kleon Keeps a Praise File
“Occasionally, I have the good fortune to have something take off online, and for a week or two, I’ll be swimming in Tweets and nice e-mails from people discovering my work.
It’s pretty wonderful. And disorienting.
And a major high.
But I always know that high will taper off, and a few weeks down the road I will have a dark day when I want to quit when I wonder why the heck I even bother with this stuff.
That’s why I put every nice e-mail I get in a special folder. (Nasty e-mails get deleted immediately.) When those dark days roll around and I need a boost, I open that folder and read through a couple of emails. Then, I get back to work.”
“Try it: Instead of keeping a rejection file, keep a praise file.”
— Austin Kleon
Why You Should Start A Feel Good File — Like Right Now
You may have been a creative for eons and saved zero nice emails to begin your file.
Create one anyway.
Start today. Time races by.
Over the next few years of selling at art shows, writing for magazines, making mighty mosaics, or just general existence, you will gather an astonishing array of niceness.
Nice things have been coming your way all along.
You just didn’t have a distinct physical (or perhaps mental) file to store them together in yet.
Prevent burnout by finding new ways to care for yourself.
See to your own well-being by doing fun forms of fieldwork.
You and your work are worth it.
Start or add to your own Feel Good File today.
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I’d love to know if you too ever have low confidence days, wanted to start a Feel Good File or if you have your own version/s of one.
Let me know in the COMMENTS below.
If you need a first email for your Feel Good File, just leave me a link to your art or writing below and I’ll send you a little letter to kick it off. 🙂
Thanks for reading.
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Other Charmed Studio Posts You Might Like:
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Why Readers Unsubscribe and How To Feel Better
The Jonah Complex: How Artists Can Overcome Fear of Greatness
Flat Lay for Artists: Why This Fun, Photo Style Works Wonders for Sales and How To Begin
Artists and ADHD: Myths, Realities, True Stories & Resources.
Wow. This is such a great idea! I actually have an “inspiration” folder on my desktop. I save all kinds of things in it but mostly imagery. I have a “friends, family, photos” file in my Gmail that I put nice things I want to save into. And I have a banker’s box overstuffed full of things I have saved since childhood. Cards from my dad, letters from friends, my childhood art, doodles. And even emails that I printed off in the early days of emailing when I was on AOL. I do pull those things out from time to time too. When I think about it, maybe I leave a lot of things laying around because those things make me happy. 🙂
I used to print out AOL emails too!! LOL. You know it’s a good idea to get in the habit of that again. It’s all easier if everything is in some digital file somewhere but we don’t always look at them then. I am a fan of what I call “sacred clutter.” Glad yours makes you happy. Special things/stuff/objects/ephemera can help us heal and focus on the most important things we have learned thus far in life. Certain objects house memory and “energies” we benefit from. Maybe we have keep Feel Good Files in the forms of objects as well? Maybe that banker’s box of yours is one. What do you think?
That question made me take a look around my living area to see what “clutter (treasure)” is actually there. It’s mostly stacks of books and magazines. I just realized that I have little piles of books and magazines all over. There is one on my couch and many underneath it (I have a replica of one of those midcentury couches with the spindly wooden legs–very Mad Men looking). There are four different stacks under my coffee table and two stacks under my dining room table. There are stacks of books and ephemera on top of the dining room table. But I also have other things laying around, from art supplies to jewelry, to some estate and rummage sale finds I haven’t gone through yet. Really looking at it makes me feel a little better about my “messy” house. It’s mostly stuff that is fun to look at.
As far as having a tangible box of special goodies; they are a necessity. That box of stuff has gone everywhere I’ve gone. I’ve lost a lot of other things along the way but that box is far too special to lose. It’s full of memories. Some of those items might seem silly. I have my grandma’s old phone book from the 1970’s. There’s nothing special in it, except for a name and phone number proving that my grandparents were there at one time. I have the notice from when I paid off my first car loan in there. Big deal, right? But the cards and letters, my diary from my first trip to New Zealand, some memorabilia from favorite bands (and a letter from one of my favorite rock stars), my concert ticket stubs–those are all keepsakes that I have to hold from time to time. That bulging Banker’s Box, minus its cover (the box is too full) is definitely the Feel Good File of my life.
WOW Shawn that is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I love that the bulging banker’s box is the feel good file of your life. One day I am going to write a book on the importance of those exact kinds of boxes to the lives of creative people. One of my favorite movies is Amelie because it hinges on a story of an old metal magic box of memories found and returned.
Are you psychic or something? Every Time you write a blog it is addressing some kind of craziness I find myself in. This is a great one. Recently I’ve gotten some very positive comments from a film I did and an audition I had. Up until now I just remembered what they said but now I plan to write them down so I have them in my feel good file. These positive reminders go along way not only with creativity but also with just the every day insecurities and doubt we face in every day life. Thanks once again for your great writing.
What a compliment that you feel I am reading your mind. I think I am just writing about things we both happen to wrestle with on a regular basis. 🙂 Thanks for validating my new recent quest to not write about standard, approved topics and instead address the things I think creatives like us really wrestle with every day if we are honest about it. It always helps to get your perspective Denise.
Hey, I would love to hear the favorite nice comment someone gave you at the audition or the film. Can you share one?
Well it just so happened I got one of those compliments today. I had coffee with a director I worked with at USC and he said after they screened the film everybody asked him where he had found me. Another one was a couple weeks ago. Now you have to remember I haven’t done this in over 30 years. And a casting director told me that all the other women and she had to ask to tone down. She said I was real and she believed everything I said. Cool for sure. That’s write these down!
Definitely put those on index cards and tape them to the fridge or something pronto! So glad I asked you, you are indeed the REAL DEAL Denise. You are gifted and you’ve worked your butt off and now all the coins are falling down into the exact right slots! So happy for you and proud to know you.
Part 2 of reply to your comment Denise: You bring up a great point I left out of the piece. That being: we get such reinforcement from the spoken words of others, (not just the written words). The magic of the supportive words of others is more ephemeral and fleeting but it too can be gathered in to hold on to in written form. Like storing acorns in fall for long winters ahead.
I re-purposed a nice old leather DayRunner organizer (remember those?), had some nice paper cut to size and use that as my Feel Good “Day Runner”. I’ve filled it with inspiration stuff of all sorts and on really good days, I skim it first thing in the morning and last thing before sleep.
That is smart to keep all a whole pack of personally meaningful quotes in the same lovely place, as opposed to my, all-over-the-walls- with-tape approach. (Which can make my office/studio wall to seem to occasionally resemble that wall of post it’s and string in the film ” A Beautiful Mind” or “Seven.”) But I still advocate you don’t be shy and make a file that is just about you and your own wisdom and wonder too. What do you think?
Hi Thea- I love your all over the walls approach. I do keep a section in the ole DayRunner called `John’s Brilliant Ideas’. I like having it in a format that I can toss in a bag and take with. Like a favorite childhood pillow! LOL.
I like that! “John’s Brilliant Ideas.” I still will say you are so humble that I think I wonder if it is difficult for you to have a section in that day runner that is maybe titled: “Other People That Think John is Brilliant.” ? Send me some of that custom cut paper and I will tell you all about how smart, creative and totally original you are.
“Send me some of that custom cut paper and I will tell you all about how smart, creative and totally original you are.” Careful. A heavy box may arrive at your doorstep! LOL
BRING IT! I’ll await it joyously. I want to be part of you better understanding all the gifts, all the ideas, and all the talent that you have going for you in the brain/writing/art department.
CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE: The sound of a drone approaching Thea’s outside deck. Full of paper. But from whom? It’s too early for Santa…
Seriously just laughed out loud, thank you!! :))
Lastly!! LOL I love the title of this blog! Soooo awesome. ….. “Get in here!! lol you are awesome and incredibly gifted!! thanks thea
You are so sweet! I am smiling sooooo big now! Humor is tricky. You lose certain people with it because it hits the wrong note for them. BUT, you also find the right people with it (like you who get me at a deep level) as well! Thanks so much.
I love this blog!! In a time when the rich boy entitlement team is sweeping the nation. And when they don’t get their way the acceptable replacement behavior for these gems is to lay on the floor, kick scream and get red in the face until the world complies it is more than disheartening and exhausting. This idea is a pointed way to provide comfort and support. It takes more than “Biff, Buffy, could you get your cleats off my throat?” We need to keep moving in a positive and constructive way despite horrible, national setbacks. That means being our own life line at times.
Some of my dark days it’s sappy movies and pretty overpriced magazines, someday’s i sit in a closet and cackle to Edward Gorey’s “the Gashleycrumb Tinies, Someday’s I call my best friend or she sends me gorgeous pictures of flowing water. It’s hard to know what is needed at times but having a go to folder that can reminds us of our inherent value is awesome.
At one of my jobs we give each other little yellow cards that are in the break room where you can thank somebody or say something nice about them. I have a side of my cubicle covered in them and on days when the most horrible things happen. (i’m a social worker by day) I read those cards and feel so lifted up.
Gale thanks so much! I think the little yellow card on the side of a cubicle is indeed a feel good file- and a genius one. Have you ever thought of writing your story about this up, interviewing the manager at work who put the system in place and pitching it to one of the professional magazines for social workers? You guys have to navigate through a lot of stress and negativity as a team. And other teams like yours might really profit from it’s members starting to make positive cubicle wall paper. If it sounds good to you and you want help with the query letter let me know ok?
Thea, please add me to your manila Feel Good File. Your writing is always interesting, thoughtful and inspiring. BTW, I now have a new word to file away, that being the british heath.
Kathy you were already part of my Feel Good File, but thank you kindly for another lovely addition to it from you. 🙂 RE: Heath, did you that is were the word heathen comes from?
The plant Heather comes from Heath, also, as in Britain the Heaths are often covered in native Heather~
That’s so interesting, I wonder what came first the Heath, the Heather or the Heathen? And what about Bronte’s choice of the name Heathcliff?
This is such an awesome concept, Thea. Being happy and in the moment is all bout attitude and this idea lets one focus on the positive in their lives. btw, your writing style ROCKS!
—-S
Thanks so much for telling me Steve! As that scientist said: “Perception is Reality” right?
You are such a ray of positivity for others. I am sure your sunny and wise words are in the Feel Good Files of many of your friends and clients. BTW I deeply appreciate your compliment on my writing. I am working hard on allowing in vulnerability while taking out unnecessary words. 🙂
What a great suggestion. I had a rejection file, but I never look at it. This type of file is needed by me now! It’s so easy feel despondent and crazy and not good enough sometimes. This will help.
Thanks Barbara! So glad the file sounds like something you might add to your work life. I was a little worried it was something maybe everyone already had. But it seems many of us like you, responsibly keep a rejection file but not a Feel Good File. How are you going to start yours? Go through recent saved emails?
I have a testimonials file. It is now my feel good file!
That is so great that you went ahead and did that. Congratulations! Originally the post was longer because I included the idea of creating a testimonial page. But I realized something through the writing of the post that is now confirmed via your comment: I took that part out about testimonial pages because it didnt feel right in the post. Testimonial pages are great for social proof. Great for presenting to yourself to the outside world. But I see the Feel Good File as tending to soul. To the inner world vs the outer world. Both are good. But one gets more press than the other. Many professional artists are familiar with testimonial page construction but not as familiar with keeping a Feel Good File. Would you agree?
Thanks for reading, and for always stimulating more thoughts in my cranium. PS your work is sublime.