How to Feel Better When Someone Unsubscribes
by Thea Fiore-Bloom, Ph.D
You were having a great day.
Then, ping!
The sadistic elves at MailChimp have gleefully dropped that little message in your inbox.
You know that one that jovially informs you a reader has unsubscribed from your blog?
If you’re like me you might temporarily feel crestfallen.
You may be asking yourself, ‘Is my blog that bad?’
Or maybe you get defensive instead.
Even mad, because the person who unsubscribed is a friend, colleague or mentor.
I’ve spent time at all those emotional bus stops.
In fact hoards of us have. It’s common to even feel ashamed when people leave your list.
Especially in the beginning.
The ironic thing is, unsubscribes are good for your blog and your business.
Eventually, they won’t phase you.
One day you’ll probably start culling your list yourself; happily banishing people who don’t ever open your emails.
But for now, it may feel terrible.
So let’s look at four ways to feel better and even benefit when people unsubscribe from your blog.
4 Ways To See Blog Unsubscribes That Will Make You Feel Better
1. The Failed Relationship/Fancy Macaroon Way To Deal With Unsubsribes
It’s good if someone unsubscribes because that person was not your ideal reader anyway.
You want your blog subscribers to be folks who are active, engaged and excited to hear from you right?
And if they aren’t, it hurts, but we have to let them go in peace to make room for people who want to be on board.
It might help to picture the whole unsubscribe scenario as a failed romantic relationship.
If you’re dating someone and they don’t call you back anymore, is it a good idea to endlessly dwell on what you think you might have said, done, or wore that “pushed them away?”
No, right?
It’s best to gather up your dignity, hold on to you, and let go of them.
And walk on.
Because soon enough you’ll stumble into somebody who celebrates you, not tolerates you.
Someone who knows you’re as a fine and fabulous as a stack of fancy French macaroons.
The same is true for your blog readers.
As my boyfriend always told me once when someone unsubscribed to my blog:
“Si uno se va, llega dos.” (If one person leaves, two more are on their way.) And he’s right.
So keep your chin up, because the same holds true for you.
You-little-macaroon-you.
But if you don’t believe me, try the “It’s Not About You” way.
2. The – It’s Not About You – Way To Handle Unsubscribes
Many people unsubscribe for reasons that are hardly personal.
They may never have even paid enough attention to what you write on your blog for it to be about you.
Many people just freak every now and then because they have too much damn mail in their inbox and they can’t focus on the important stuff, like making art.
Maybe they unsubscribed because they want to casually follow you on another platform like FaceBook, Feedly or WordPress instead.
But if you’re trying your best to help readers, and you’re not always pushing them to buy stuff; the reason someone in Pacoima unsubscribed today is none of your business.
In fact, if you’re using MailChimp, why not change your notification settings, so you don’t get informed each time a person unsubscribes? That’s what I did.
As marketing maven, Beth Hayden writes: “As long as the overall numbers are going up (even if it’s slow going), and you’re retaining more people than you lose, you’re on the right track. And when unsubscribes happen, don’t weep — rejoice.”
(If you want to read about the financial benefits of unsubscribes for larger lists see Beth’s article.)
OK, but how ’bout if it is personal?
3. The – OMG It Is Personal, But It’s Still Okay – Way
What if readers unsubscribe because you’ve actually offended them?
Umm, I’ve done it.
Let’s just say, not everyone thinks I’m funny.
Last year I sent out what I thought was a humorous story-based article I wrote on, The Importance of Letting Go of Approval for Artists to my email list.
The only thing was the post was originally entitled; What Your Underwear Style Says About You As an Artist: Especially if the Back Half of Your Dress is Accidentally Wadded Up Into Them.
My long-time readers are used to my titles. They get my humor.
And actually, the “underwear post” ended up being one of the most well-received posts I’ve ever written.
Except for the unsubscribes.
Who did I lose?
A few new, innocent, shocked subscribers who saw the title, and instead of clicking over to the post, pounded on that unsubscribe button.
Did that hurt?
Yes, Ma’am.
But I recovered. And about three weeks later I realized that people who were offended by me being me probably were never going to truly enjoy future posts on my blog.
In this way, unsubscribes can serve as big, valuable clues that point you toward who you do want to write for.
Unsubscribes can encourage you to serve your ideal audience; your readers that cheer on your best, (often riskiest) work.
But, What If It’s a Friend Who Unsubscribes From Your Art Blog?
What if it’s your friend who unsubscribes?
Oh yeah, that stings.
The thing is though, your friends and colleagues who don’t blog, are clueless to the fact that you get notified when they unsubscribe.
So they aren’t trying to send you to therapy.
This brings us to the last (and most evolved) way to see unsubscribes.
4. Finally, The Carousel Way To Feel Better When Unsubscribes
Your readers aren’t supposed to stay subscribed forever.
If you are doing your job as a creative blogger, your readers will be growing, changing and eventually taking flight (unsubscribing.)
If you get an unsubscribe from someone who has been active and even commented on your blog frequently, it hurts.
But why not choose the high road and see them as having learned what they needed to from you?
Now I see the meaningful blogs we read as carousels.
Here’s why.
Our journey reading a good blog is a carousel ride that can restore, inform or inspire us.
But only for a metaphorical, fleeting, Ray Bradbury-magic summer.
The circus is supposed to leave town.
We don’t want to be sending out marketing blasts to our mailing list when we are 90 years old right? We need to grow and change. And we can allow our readers to grow and change too.
So that said, why not silently thank our un-subscribers for riding with us and wish them well on their continued journey?
Why not raise a glass to them, and toast impermanence while we’re at it. Because as Thích Nhất Hạnh says:
“We have to nourish our insight into impermanence every day. If we do, we will live more deeply, suffer less, and enjoy life much more.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh
____________________________________
What do you think?
How do you handle unsubscribes? Let me know in the Comments below.
If you blog you might like these Charmed Studio Posts:
How Artists Can Write More Often
51 Blog Post Topics for Heart-Centered Artists for 2020
Artists and Priorities: A Magical Method for Organizing Your Time
Alison Saar: Disrupting Classical Literature To Create Epic Modern Art
The Artist’s Guide To Successful Art Blogging
Georgia O’Keeffe: 6 Business Tips For Artists.
Humor is so important to hold on to our sanity as artists/entrepreneurs. Read about an underusing artist who got the importance of using humor to maintain equanimity and lightness of being through it all– Beatrice Wood:
Need help making your art writing shine? Sign up for one of my writing coachings for artists mini-packages and I will help you bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in your art writing.
This post is dedicated to subscriber Michael Shook who has helped me so much by supporting my riskiest work. My thanks go out to him in honor of the birthday of his favorite jazz legend, the immortal Charles Mingus.
You’re right Thea that it can be hard not to take it personally when someone clicks the big unsubscribe button, however as you point out, doing so can often turn out to be better for you in the long run.
Personally, I think the advantage of not having to tip-toe around your readers is more than worth the price of losing a few subscribers along the way. I’ve discovered over the years that there seems to be quite of few people out there who don’t seem to care for my writing style or quirky sense of humor, but that’s okay because the people who get me tend to stick around, while those who don’t, generally unsubscribe and report me to the appropriate authorities.
I also agree with your carousel theory that over time our needs will naturally change as we continue to grow and evolve throughout our lives.
I do think it’s natural to “outgrow” a particular blog or website as we continue to learn and gain experience. Every website is (or at least should be) directed toward a specific audience and sometimes it’s simply time to move on, which has nothing to do with the quality of information on your site (at least that’s what I tell myself)
I was laughing at my desk as I read this part of your wonderful comment :”I’ve discovered over the years that there seems to be quite of few people out there who don’t seem to care for my writing style or quirky sense of humor, but that’s okay because the people who get me tend to stick around, while those who don’t, generally unsubscribe and report me to the appropriate authorities.”
Your clarity of mind and wry sense of humor are what set you apart from other bloggers in my eyes.
Good one. Less is more is so true in most aspect of life. Being a Jack/Jill to everyone is impossible. Honing one’s community is a great gift.
Thanks John, happy you liked it. You’re right you can’t be all things to everyone. It’s so hard for us to deeply know that drawing a line in the sand about who we are (where we begin and end) is good for us. We need to take a chance and stand out to find our people. This is why I think general FaceBook (excluding groups) can be so crazy making for people right? It is encouraging us to live in the double bind of ‘stand out BUT fit in.’ Who was that researcher you told me about who went into that?
Hi Thea- That was probably Susan Greenfield.
Yes, of course. From Britain, thanks John.
Oh wise one, great blog as usual. To be honest with you I can’t imagine why anyone would leave your blog. Great way of seeing things and who wants someone without a sense of humor to read your newsletter anyway.
Denise you are one of those people I was writing about in the blog, the angels who are kind enough to reinforce our riskiest work. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, oh an for not unsubscribing, lol!
Always enjoyable to read your posts,Thea. I’m going with the macaroon solution, mostly because they yummy 🤣
I like it! “The Macaroon Solution”, may go back in and use that wording instead, pithy. As always. Thanks Kathy for taking the time to comment, you make me day.
Thanks for the tips on this one- I am inspired to go in and let go of a few uninterested folks! I know that I cannot read everything that I get in my in-box and occasionally let subscriptions go and have occasionally written a little thank you note to the blogger when I leave- If I feel like I can feel the person behind the blog.
Whoo-hoo! That is great that you are ready to cull your list. It’s a rite of passage I think. And it’s a bit thrilling; deleting someone who hasn’t opened an email in forever,is like rushing toward a big ocean wave and diving under it, instead of letting it knock you down. The first time you are about to delete you pause, and ask yourself;’am I supposed to/allowed to do this?’ Then you do it and you get giddy looking for the next uninterested person. Curious, how often you are sending out posts?
P.S. It is so kind of you to write goodbye notes to bloggers.
I’ve thought quite a bit about this over the last year. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s better to have 2 actively engaged readers than it is to have 10 that never open your emails.
To that end I have actually on occasion deleted people from my list myself. I once cut my list by about 25% by rounding up everyone who hadn’t opened my last 5 emails or so. I sent them an email that basically said “Hey! I noticed you haven’t been reading my emails so I’m gonna quit clogging your inbox and remove you from my list. If you still want to stay just let me know and I’ll keep you on.”
About a week later, none of them had responded (big surprise) so I wiped them. Having a big number isn’t really important to me (although it is a secondary goal.) More important is knowing that the people that are getting my emails think they’re useful.
Yes! I wholeheartedly agree with everything you’ve said here. It’s great you cull your list. Good for you. I prune my list occasionally as well, even though it’s not vast. And I don’t send out a notice to ask subscribers though. I just do it. As I have a notice that states that is my practice on the bottom of most of my mailchimp blog announcements. I put it near the unsubscribe tab.
The other point you bring up about numbers for numbers sake is a good one as well. It’s fairly useless to have a giant list of uninterested people, its bad for your ego and your business. I’ll take two interested readers over 10 uninterested ones anyway as well. But Facebook ad executives, and google ad -sense executives don’t want you to wake up and get it that driving heards and hoards of uninterested “traffic” to your site is pretty useless. I don’t want “traffic”, I don’t see people as “traffic.” They are individuals. I want interested creatives who are helped by what i am saying.
Have you tried beef up your SEO with yoast or anything similar? I find that a better way to go than social media for drawing in people who actually are interested.
I have not tried Yoast or anything similar, i’ll
have to look into it. In my experience talking to some of my more engaged readers, they tend to be finding me through Google as well (though they never remember what search terms they used to find my site, haha)
Chey if people are finding you through google I can’t encourage you enough to install Yoast. I looked in to all this and went off the deep end with SEO this year since I’ve opted out of social media. So I have the links for you if you’re up for it: Go to this page and click on Yoast free plugin (you won’t need the “premium” version which is the big yellow button and is $89 unless you get insanely into it.)
https://yoast.com/wordpress/plugins/seo/
But installing the plug in doesn’t help much unless you do the free tutorial (not the paid again). Which thank god is a series of really good, accessible videos narrated by kindly, rather adorable, young brainiacs from Holland.
https://yoast.com/academy/free-seo-training-seo-for-beginners/
My organic search results have doubled since I did the Yoast thing and changed my blog titles and sub heads. You might find it really encouraging as I did. Hope so. And yeah wouldn’t it be great to know what words they used to find you!