A Humorous But Comforting Take on Why People Say Cruel Things To Creatives and How To Bounce Back
By Thea Fiore-Bloom, Ph.D.
Ever been punched in the gut and splooged on by pigeons at the same time?
That’s what receiving an unforgivably harsh critique of your art or writing can feel like.
But before I get to why I think certain yoyos splatter on unsuspecting artists and how to respond if you get splattered upon — I want you to know something.
Some very magnificent artists have worn the same pigeon-splooged jacket you may be donning right now.
Take Matisse, for example.
Henri Matisse Put Up With Years of Harsh, Unsolicited Critiques
Did you know that there was a time when groups of wealthy, ignorant, Parisian yoyos with zero empathy used to gather annually at the Salon d’Automne for the sole purpose of laughing at Matisse paintings?*1
Matisse was so humiliated by them he asked his wife to stay away.
But as we all know now, Matisse had the last laugh.
And like my artist friend Mary, you will too.
Mary’s Story of Receiving a Harsh Critique
Mary, a fine artist, and Charmed studio subscriber, was minding her own business making her beautiful paintings.
When a man asked her if she’d like to participate in his online gallery.
Mary checked out his gallery. She then went ahead and sent him several jpegs of her pieces.
And here comes the shocking bit:
The gallerist responded to the submission he asked for with a nasty email declaring the majority of the work Mary sent to be “soulless.” He declared them to be “pieces nobody would ever buy.”
“I felt as if I’d been physically punched in the stomach,” said Mary.
What puzzled Mary the most was that in her thirty years of working as a professional artist and having countless meetings with gallery owners and art professionals, she had never had anyone say anything like that to her.
Why hadn’t she received this kind of critique before?
Because this wasn’t a professional critique.
IMO it was a personal attack — from a yoyo.
If you learn to know the difference, you will save yourself a lot of agida.
Constructive Critique Vs. Personal Attack: Spot the Difference
Signs of a Constructive Critique
Real critiques are constructive. They strengthen you.
If you are the sensitive type like me, professional, constructive critiques may sting for 5 minutes or put the fear of God into you for ten.
But that sting, fear, or embarrassment is temporary.
It often soon morphs into agreement and even excitement.
After a bit of recovery time (which varies with each artist and each situation), a constructive critique will eventually have you running, not walking, back to your studio to implement the new perspective you’ve been gifted with.
There are three signs I can think of that signal you’ve received an emotional attack, not a professional critique.
Here they are.
3 Signs of an Emotional Attack
Sign 1. You feel humiliated.
Emotional attacks are often intended to shame artists.
You often will know you’ve received one if you feel humiliated.
Mary told me she had benefited from the scores of tough but fair constructive critiques she’d received in the past.
“The difference in this instance was,” said Mary, “that I felt put down — humiliated.”
Sign 2. Internal Bullying Begins
The second sign you’ve been on the receiving end of an emotional attack vs. a constructive critique is that you start shaming or bullying yourself.
A chorus of cruelly creative voices in your head begins beating on pots and pans and whispering nasty things to you.
And I’m sure you know when those vile guys start in on you. You consider doing all kinds of self-destructive things, like the following.
Sign 3. You Start Thinking About Giving Up on Artmaking
Unlike a professional critique, an emotional attack often makes you doubt whether you should keep doing the very thing that makes your soul sing — making art.
(Many of us artists had shut ourselves down for decades because some jerk of a grade school, high school, or college “art teacher” served us an emotional attack disguised as an art critique.)
We believe these yoyos at the time because they are in supposed positions of authority. They do the initial damage, and we pile on ourselves and do the rest.
Mary describes this perfectly: “At first, I feared there was perhaps only a grain of truth in what the gallery owner said.”
Eventually, though, it got worse. Mary began to fear the gallerist was right because his words were a confirmation of her secret fear.
“That fear is that the quality of my work has gone downhill, that my best years are already behind me, and that I’m only trying to hide the fact that I’m a second-rate artist and a fraud. I had a classic case of imposter syndrome.”
Can you relate? I can.
But right about now, you may be asking yourself, ‘Why on earth would someone say something so hurtful and ridiculous to an artist?
3 Big Reasons Certain People Dole out Non-Constructive Critiques
1. In my opinion (I’m not a therapist), harsh, unsolicited “critiques” sometimes are handed out like Halloween candy by narcissists.
Narcissists can have zero empathy and seem to love to dole out attacks disguised as critiques.
Some narcissists actually enjoy knowing that their words have provoked a painful reaction in others.
Your fear, anger, or devastation can act as Miracle-Gro for narcissists because it can give them what psychologists sometimes refer to as “narcissistic supply.”
But it could also just be garden variety envy that caused someone to lash out at you.
2. Unsolicited, harsh art “critiques” can stem from envy.
Non-narcissistic yoyos may attack out of envy.
As I told Mary, if you’ve been a serious creative long enough, you eventually encounter people who unconsciously wish they could paint like you, write like you, act, or dance like you.
In Mary’s case, I would add they also wish they could or would travel as she has and see what she’s seen.
Or, if they actually have traveled-they wish they could see the beauty of the world in the way she does.
Have you ever noticed some people can have all the money and time in the world but still don’t see the poetry and beauty you see in it?
Secretly, that makes some of these folks mad as hell.
This takes us to the reason three yoyos may have attacked you or your art.
3. Some folks emotionally attack artists as a form of resistance.
Unsolicited harsh critiques can come from strangers, friends, or even family members who are not painting, not writing, not acting, etc.
Steven Pressfield calls this kind of purposeful avoidance resistance; it’s a universal force he claims acts against human creativity.
These folks want to create like you, but they’re scared.
So they try to jam a stick in the spokes of your new, tangerine orange, Huffy 10 Speed with the streamers on the handles.
So how should one respond to these spoke stickers?
How To Respond to a Harsh Critique
I was sorely tempted to send the guy that hurt the lovely-souled Mary a Xerox copy of my rump.
However, Mary, being more mature than me, opted to send a business-like email back to the gallerist explaining the majority of her work was tied up in exhibits at the moment.
But artist and art biz author Laura Den Hertog thinks the best response is often no response.
Den Hertog counsels artists and writers who receive an emotional attack to:
“Walk away and let out a huge sigh of relief that you cottoned on to what an abusive idiot someone was early on before you have invested more of your precious time, energy, and art into them.”
Stopping yourself from engaging and walking away is an act of self-love that strengthens your future resilience.
When you do this, you send a signal to yourself that you don’t engage with non-professionals or emotional hooligans.
This allows you to bounce back quicker and get back to being fabulous and making fabulous art.
One Way to Bounce Back After a Harsh Critique
I’m happy to report Mary has let go of the critique and returned to her studio to paint.
She wisely decided it would help her to look at the positive feedback she’d received in the past about her art.
This reminded Mary her work is indeed soulful and that people do, in fact, respond to what comes from her soul, and they also buy it.
(Check out The Charmed Studio Post: Why You Need a Feel Good File: The Recovery Tool No Artist Should Be Without.)
“After feeling self-conscious and insecure at first (am I going to make another soulless piece of trash?), I decided I am just going to paint whatever I damn well please,” said Mary.
Can Mary get an Amen?
The Silver Lining In Every Harsh Art Critique
Den Hertog points out that, surprisingly, harsh critiques can actually be a good thing for artists because they sharpen our “jerk radar.”
These events can act as big, flashing neon directional signs that steer us away from potential icebergs that can temporarily shipwreck our art practice.
“Pay attention to the signs, especially if they say: “No,” or “Don’t Go Here With Your Art,” or “Beware – This Guy Is a Colossal Ass!,” said Den Hertog.
And speaking of art, asses, resilience, and critique, I want to end with one of my favorite Georgia O’Keeffe stories.
Take Critique Like O’Keeffe
In the Spring of 1961, O’Keeffe hand-delivered a painting to the Edith Halpert gallery in NYC for her upcoming show.
“Upon seeing what O’Keeffe had brought, Halpert sighed, ‘Oh Georgia, is that another flower?’
The accomplished artist snapped, ‘No, Edith, it’s my ass!’”*2
And knowing Georgia O’Keeffe, she probably added, “Where do you want me to hang it?”
Moral of the story:
When you are considering getting sidelined by sarcastic comments, even if it’s not a harsh critique, why not follow Georgia’s example?
- Use your humor.
- Pull on your cowgirl boots.
- Summon up your grit.
Keep making art – your way.
Keep shining, dear.
And if all else fails, just ask ’em where you should hang that picture of your ass.
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*1 This Is Matisse by Catherine Ingram, p16.
*2 Taken from my interview with Hunter Drohojowska-Philp, author of Full Bloom: The Art and Life of Georgia O’Keefe.
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Any thoughts?
Were you ever sidelined by a harsh art or writing critique?
Any words of encouragement for Mary or other artists?
Let us know in the comments below.
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You might like these other Charmed Studio posts:
How Art Can Heal a Broken Heart
How Artists Can Write More Often: 1 Realization That Can Change Everything
How to Feel Better When Someone Unsubscribes
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Art Bloggers Make: Number 2 Will Surprise You
This advice is great timing, Thea. I attended a local (online) artist meetup where we all created a piece from the same reference photo. The women in the group were much older than me, and I was excited to learn from experienced artists.
Turns out, they didn’t understand (or want to understand) digital art AT ALL. They turned their noses up at my illustration and kept giving me tips on how to make it look “more realistic.” I can do realism, but I don’t enjoy it because I find it tedious and unoriginal. I want to show the world how I see things, not copy how they already appear in nature.
They kept making a big deal out of another attendee who supposedly illustrated book covers for Stephen King, and telling everyone our art should look like hers.
I welcome constructive criticism, but I found the elitism about digital art and the “advice” to make my art look like someone else’s off the mark. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t discouraged me from picking up my iPad and illustrating lately.
Thanks for sharing that apt example of a non-constructive criticism. I appreciate you taking the time to tell the story. As a teacher, I would think it would be so cool that there would be myriad creative interpretations of the one reference photo I asked students to make art off of in my class. That is what great art-making is all about right? Seeing things differently!!
Did you see the AI image-generated collage by Shawn Marie Hardy in the Charmed Studio announcement mailing this week? Some of her analog collage (made by hand) colleagues are giving Shawn heat for experimenting with Procreate.
But look at the results; totally unique and jewel-like because of the info she inputted to get the images exactly right and the expert placement by her, of those images in the collage. She is still the human responsible for the magic, as are you.
Digital art is a beautiful arrow in any artist’s quiver ( I would love to try it). Those who fear it, or judge it, or want more “realism” may benefit from tinkering with it themselves. Or going to an impressionist show. People laughed their butts off at Monet and Renoir for decades because their art was seen by even the most elite professional critics of the day as “weak” and “unrealistic.”
Hang in there, keep outraging people. 🙂
PS I wonder if those ladies deep down are curious but just afraid of the technology? What do you think? Perhaps realism is a guardrail they only dream of leaping over after they have had a few Chilean chardonnays?
What a great way to start the day – laughing out loud, optimistic and feeling supported. Thanks for your witty writing!! Leigh
Leigh, as always, you made my day! An American friend of mine just moved to Spain this week for what he calls “the glorious last third of life.” I was thinking of the joy and mystery he and his wife may find there. And then my mind flashed on my (so far) most favorite painting of yours “Temporary Passage.” I was hoping they would find a few of those passages in Barcelona.
Have a beautiful day. Thanks for taking the time to let me know you liked the piece.
I took a college watercolor class back in the 1980s; my first art class as an adult. On the first day of class the instructor pinned up a photograph of a covered bridge surrounded by trees. He wanted everyone in the class to paint that image. The students commenced to painting but I decided to paint a tree on a hill against a stormy sky, all in different hues of blue. As I worked, students started to gather around my desk to watch. The teacher was irritated with me for taking over his class and commented that my painting didn’t look realistic. I never returned to his class. If I want realism I’ll take a photograph.
There are so many artists who have been criticized for making art that isn’t realistic or for using mediums that aren’t traditional. Digital art is looked at as a copout by some traditionalists, and now that artificial intelligence art is upon us many people are in an uproar. Now that I’m using artificial intelligence generators to create images that I can use for my digital collages, I’m getting both negative and positive critiques. I don’t think people realize what a tedious process it is.
I always have to remember that I make art for the love of the creative process. I happen to like my art and I have enough confidence now that I can take criticism with a grain of salt. People are free to love it or hate it.
Shawn what a wonderful story, thanks for taking the time to let us hear it. How many of us have been the bane of an art teacher’s existence in school for a day, a semester or years? I was too. Certain teachers were so mad at me, just for questioning the norm. I was mortified by the rejection from them -when I was younger. But now, look out people, I wear my “bane-man-ship” as a badge of honor! Hope other artists can relate.
I love this blog. It reminds me of the relationship between the actor and the director. A good director guides you through what she might think is best for a scene as opposed to telling you what is best. It’s a creative collaboration as opposed to my way or the highway. I know as an artist it’s very different but I just thought of my own experiences. But any critic has to be like a good director. I just thought of something horrifying. Could you imagine Trump being a art critic?
This is such a good point about directors and yes the whole blog could easily be applied to receiving a harsh critique on one’s acting. I will have to add that in if I left it out. And actually maybe you should take seriously your new idea mentioned in your comment to write skits of him as art critic, music critic, film critic for SNL! Maybe have him criticizing the old masters…. anyway great idea. Seriously funny potential there and it would uplift creatives.
Well I wasn’t even thinking about really doing it but now my head is spinning. This could be really funny. Thanks for getting me to think about this when it was just a line I threw off. You are a born motivator and coach and artist and writer and I can go on and on.
HURRAY! I am so glad you are contemplating it. Our best ideas are the fun ones we throw out there as almost a joke right? The serious ideas are always so ….serious and labored. But the joke ideas often contain the real magic and substance and whimsy others will love much more.
And thanks for saying I am a born motivator, coach, artist, writer etc. That makes me skip about. It only took 40 years to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. But now, I am down to clown.
No! It took me 68 years to find Clown. I guess we both can own it.
Yes, exactly. Cheers to our owning it, and cheers just to you. I think this suspension of time during the Covid crisis is helping you dig up and reveal a once perhaps hidden aspect of your creative treasures.
“Schadenfreude” is a German word that means enjoyment of the suffering/harm/pain of others. Somehow, knowing there’s a word for the narcissist’s state is helpful. Your essay, Thea, was superlatively beneficial to me at this time. THANK YOU VERY MUCH 🙂 I am still experiencing inner bullying as residue from a recent narcissistic, emotionally abusive lover (Parisian, BTW, like Matisse’s tormentors). I can’t believe he’s still affecting me. Each time I try to make art, I have anxiety that gets to the point of feeling like I can’t breathe and I might vomit. I give up. Repeatedly. Which creates daily inner conflict.
Now, after reading your essay, I feel like making art will be my sassypants act of rebellion and self-assertion. YOU HAVE BREATHED FRESH VITALITY INTO MY ART (ERGO MY LIFE)!! I’m going to also listen to your audio several times to hear your voice speak the words of your essay so that my mind memorizes the sense of the support of a friend. Now I can’t wait to see what happens!
Lisa, knowing this post and audio has bolstered your spirits and encouraged a “sassypants’ recovery/rebellion within you- means more to me than you can know. I sometimes think I am crazy tackling the topics I do because they are off the beaten path. But the way I talk myself into writing them anyway is that I say to myself, ‘if it helps just one other person it will all be worth it.’ So now I can sleep easy tonight knowing the writing arrow I sent out flew threw the air at the right time and place to be a sign for a fellow creative. I am so glad it acted as a humble reinforcement of your abundant spirit,strength and creative talent. You’re a lover of life and art and wonder- and that just pisses off people don’t know how to embrace life’s beauty, people who gather energy from seeing those connected to source be temporarily disconnected from it. Know it is was just a temporary disconnection for you. Know that you are already reconnected to your source and that love and wonder always wins. And know that imo Georgia O’Keeffe is giving you a big smart ass’s special high five from artist’s heaven right now!:)
Thea, thank you for your funny and uplifting article! Many of us have encountered these self proclaimed critics over the years. I usually follow Laura den Hertog’s sage advice. Mary’s response to the gallerist was perfect! It took all the wind out of his narcissistic sails. Of course yours and Georgia’s response is absolutely hilarious. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy getting to know the artists you feature and their amazing works! Thank you for reminding us that we and our art matter! Cheers Sylvia
Ah, Sylvia, it means so much to me that you left a comment. And I am so happy you are on this creative adventure with me, thank you! And yes you and your art not only matter- you and your art are more important than you’d ever imagine.
You are a gift to the world, trust me.
Whenever I forget how important we are as artists, writers, musicians,or actors; I listen to subscriber stories. Here is one you may not have read yet that you might connect with too.
https://thecharmedstudio.com/your-art-matters/
Thank you for this excellent article, Thea! I’ve often wondered what makes certain people lash out at artists, and your insights are so helpful in understanding that sometimes it’s not you, it’s them. Because we creatives tend to put our heart and soul into our work, unexpected harsh criticism hits us especially hard.
I also appreciate Laura den Hertog’s words of wisdom that often it’s better to just walk away. Not easy to do, but ultimately better for one’s sanity and self-confidence. Next time something like this happens to me (and I hope it won’t be soon) I’ll be looking for that silver lining, or maybe even come up with a witty retort à la Georgia O’Keeffe. Love that story!
Last but not least, thank you so much for featuring my art!
Thanks for your kind words Mineke. Yes, I wish all of us the ability to call on our inner smart ass as Georgia did! And I think you are spot on about why harsh critique is such a blow for artists; because our heart, soul, various inner bits, memories, and even our spirituality -is often embedded in our work. It was my pleasure to feature your art. I hope people pop over to explore your site.
Hurray! This is such an important subject for artists, and leave it to you to tackle it with such grace and humour. Every artist needs to know this stuff so they can preserve what is often a tenuous confidence in what they do. Wouldn’t it be great if the world began recognizing artists for the geniuses they are? Then it wouldn’t be socially acceptable to throw tomatoes at them.
I guess there will always be some small minded guy (can you say Napoleon complex?) who feels like a bigger man when stomping on an unsuspecting artist. Good thing we have people like you Thea, to show us how to cope…and then go back to thriving.
Thank you!
I think you have made an astute societal observation in this comment that I have never heard or read anywhere before.
That being the idea that we as creatives are spoken to more than occasionally in this dismissive way at times perhaps out of a lack of social standing :Wouldn’t it be great if the world began recognizing artists for the geniuses they are? Then it wouldn’t be socially acceptable to throw tomatoes at them.”
Wow, food for thought. Will have to ponder this.Thanks so much for the interview and your support.
This is absolutely Brilliant!!!! I don’t think I could pick a favorite blog because the all have different lessons and belong in different places in my heart and soul but THIS! I just want to post a copy everywhere so we all remember…..guess what ladies and gentlemen sometimes it actually is them (that asshole) and not you.
And sometimes you are so caught off guard you forget your responses and what to do next so this really helps. Doing something you really love puts you in a very vulnerable position and when part of the process is handing that off to a stranger, that could possibly a horrible human looking for today’s lunch it’s frightening. As always thank you Thea for helping us protect ourselves and be mindful and keep going. 🙂 🙂 You are awesome.
Hurray! I am so excited you got the post in exactly the way I most wanted it to be understood. I do want to support creatives and let them know they are not alone and that it is not them. Yes we do put our souls on the line, and it’s all worth in the end. But it isn’t always easy or pretty. Thanks so much for your wonderful comment, so supportive to me.